The Six Stages of Grief
by BloomingViolets
Summary: Tommy goes through the six stages of grief after receiving THE letter. Tommy/Kim pairing. Slight hints of Tommy/Kat.


Hey guys! Okay, so I just discovered this fic in my files and realized that I never posted it. This fic came as a challenge from the quote below and I can't remember how the challenge came about (I suspect its from Kim and Cathy over at the Sky/Syd & Tommy/Kim forum but I can't really be sure!) but I decided to post this story anyway. Hopefully you guys will like it! I remember it being extremely hard for me to grasp Tommy's character, but I gave it my best. This is hopefully a new take on the 'letter' situation. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own PR. I merely play with the characters and give them back when I'm done ;)

_Dedication:_ To Pink-Green-White-4ever, because she's the biggest Tommy/Kim fan I know.

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"**After a year of having to live without you, I've realized I lost me when I lost you – I miss you."**

_--_

_Dear Tommy,_

_Everything is going great here in Florida, Coach Schmidt has me as ready as I'll ever be for the competition. Tommy, this is the hardest letter I've ever had to write, you've always been my best friend and in some ways you're like a brother but something has happened here that I can't explain, its been both wonderful and painful at the same time. Tommy, I've met someone else._

_Tommy, you know I would never do anything to hurt you but I feel like I've found the person I belong with. He's wonderful, kind and caring. You'd really like him. Everything would be perfect if it weren't for hurting you, but I have to follow my heart. I will always care about you, Tommy. Please forgive me. _

_Kimberly_

**--**

**The Six Stages of Grief **

**Stage One – **_**Denial**_

He laid on his back, unwilling to believe the words that were coming out of Adam's mouth. It was as if time had stopped and he was frozen, unable to move. Confusion filled him as he desperately tried to understand what he had just heard. The words of Kimberly's letter were on repeat in his head, and yet he still couldn't comprehend. What did she mean? Mentally, he shook his head.

_No. No way. There is just no way Kim would ever do this. _

_I refuse to believe it!_

_She loves me, I know it!_

_Kim loves me and she wouldn't leave me… not after everything we've been through together._

Sitting up, the red ranger ignored the concerned looks his friends were giving him. He turned and felt his heart lurch when he saw the look on Adam's face. No, it just _couldn't _be true! Adam held out the piece of paper towards him, almost making Tommy want to back away. He didn't want to read that letter, _didn't _even want to touch it.

"Tommy, maybe you should finish this another time."

Almost against his will but at the same time not feeling to guilty about it, he turned and shot Adam a withering look and snatched the letter that Kimberly had sent him from the green ranger's hands. Whirling around to his original sitting position, his hands slightly shook as he took in Kim's familiar stationary and handwriting. Swallowing the lump that had formed at his throat, he began to read out loud the rest of the letter.

"_Tommy, you know I would never do anything to hurt you but I feel like I've found the person I belong with. He's wonderful, kind and caring. You'd really like him. Everything would be perfect if it weren't for hurting you, but I have to follow my heart. I will always care about you, Tommy. Please forgive me."_

He looked up from the piece of paper he held, only to see his friends looking back at him. Suddenly feeling suffocated, Tommy had the immediate urge to get away from everyone. He stood up, fighting back tears while trying to think of a good excuse to leave.

"H-hey guys, I'm going to leave…" his voice even sounded pathetic to his ears.

"Are you going to be alright?" Billy took a step towards him.

"Yeah," he nodded even though his heart was screaming otherwise. "I-I just need to be alone."

"Tommy, maybe you shouldn't – "

"I need to be alone!" Tears began to sting his eyes as he turned towards the entrance of the Youth Centre and walked away, leaving his friends to stare after him.

**Stage Two – **_**Anger, One Month Later**_

The battle that afternoon hadn't been enough for him to work off his energy and he was still feeling disgruntled. He was currently at the Youth Centre sparring and was not getting any satisfaction, while not even ten feet away, Rocky and Adam stood, watching him and talking in low voices. After another five minutes, Tommy felt the green and blue rangers cautiously approaching him. He ignored them and continued on with his workout.

"Hey Tommy?" Adam's voice was soft. "We're supposed to meet the others for a bite to eat in a half hour, we should go and change."

Irritation rose within him and Tommy let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head. As much as he loved his friends, the last thing he wanted was to be around them. He didn't want their concerned looks, their sympathy or their carefully planned attempts to cheer him up. "Nah," he told them, straightening and picking up his gym bag in the process. "I think I'm gonna head home. I've got lots of homework piled up."

It was an excuse and all three of them knew it.

"Are you sure Tommy?" Rocky asked. The blue ranger looked like he was not going to take no for an answer. He was about to protest more but stopped when Adam elbowed him in the ribs.

Seeing Adam elbow Rocky made Tommy inwardly smile but at the same time, he felt his temper flare up a little. Did no one understand that all he wanted was to be left alone? Apparently Adam understood. The green ranger had an uncanny ability to understand what someone needed in a situation. That made him all the more grateful to the green ranger.

"Go on Tommy," Adam nodded. "We'll see you at school tomorrow."

He managed a small smile. "Thanks. I'll see you guys later."

The walk home seemed to take no time at all. Tommy entered his bedroom, relieved to finally be able to be alone with his thoughts. He tossed his gym bag onto his bed and headed towards his dresser, intending to take a shower. He hadn't cared or estimated the strength of his throw though, and it knocked something down from his night stand. Frowning, Tommy headed towards his bed and picked up his gym bag and then looked down at what it had knocked over.

He felt his heart constricting.

A photo taken of him and Kimberly from some time in the past two years stared up at him from the ground and the memories of his relationship flashed in his mind. Images of a short but beautiful brunette girl laughing and smiling at him from where she sat across the room… her brown eyes determined to win a fight against Rita's goons… the way her hair glinted in the sunlight… it wasn't any grand gesture she'd done that made him long for her, but rather the simple things. They were all things that he cared not to think about but found that he couldn't stop once he started.

And that was when the anger that had been building up within him exploded.

It was a blur of emotions and the next thing he knew he was throwing everything around in his room that he could get his hands on. That stupid power ranger action figure that she had given him as a joke? Thrown against the window. A dvd copy of the first movie they had ever watched together? Thrown into the trash can under his desk. The sweater she had painstakingly taken hours to find? Stuffed underneath the bed and out of sight. He continued to throw his belongings and his reminders of her around the room, working off his anger. With a blind eye, he picked up the last object that was in the area around him and threw it as hard as he could against the wall. The sound of something breaking brought him to his senses and he turned to see what had broke.

There, lying on the ground, was the framed photo of him and Kim broken in tiny little pieces.

Something inside of Tommy broke and he reached for the picture. Holding the photograph to his chest, he leaned against the wall and cried.

**Stage Three – **_**Fear, Three Months Later**_

There was no doubt about it, Tommy was nervous.

He paced back and forth in the corner of the Youth Center trying to gather the courage to walk up to the blonde that was currently sitting at the bar with Tanya. For months now, he had been contemplating whether or not to do this and had finally come to the conclusion that if he didn't, the situation would drive him crazy. The feelings had crept up on him suddenly and he had no idea what to do about them. Was it too soon? Were they even real? Did he actually want this? He didn't know what he wanted anymore.

"Are you sure about this?"

There was no mistaking the concern that was in Billy's voice. The only member of the original power rangers team had been unbelievably supportive of him since that _horrid_ letter had arrived but it was hard for Tommy to really open up to the one person on the team that had really known Kimberly, that had been there since the beginning. _Their beginning. _It was easier for him to be around Adam and Rocky or even Tanya because they hadn't been there when he and Kim had gotten together; they hadn't seen everything that he and Kimberly had gone through in their relationship together. Adam and Rocky only knew the half of it. Tanya only knew the aftermath and it was easy to be fooled into thinking that she was on his side.

Tommy had doubts but he didn't show it. He was frightened, frightened to death. There were so many factors to asking Katherine out on a date and he wondered if it was a good idea. They had been flirting a lot recently and while his feelings for Kat weren't as intense as the ones he had for Kimberly, they were still there. And he genuinely liked the blonde. She was friendly and funny and sweet. What was he really afraid of? For months now, everyone had been telling him to try and move on – to forget about his pain and live life to the fullest because if it was one thing they had learned in their 'line of work,' it was that life was too short.

He was afraid though. He was afraid of a lot of things.

He couldn't shake the tiny fear of being rejected, though he was pretty sure that Katherine had feelings for him too. There had been lingering glances and brief touches. There were smiles and blushes and things that he never thought he could feel again. But was it really worth the risk? What if they broke up? What would happen to the team if things went wrong? What if she said no?

What if Kimberly came back and found him dating Katherine? What then? Would she hate him?

_Kimberly left you_, he reminded himself. _She left you because she found someone else. Someone better. _

Some of the bitterness still remained within him.

And that helped his resolve. His determination came back and he stopped pacing. He looked up at Billy and nodded.

"I'm sure."

**Stage Four – **_**Guilt, Six Months Later**_

Guilt was a funny thing.

Tommy could feel it pressing into him from all sides until all he could do was take a deep breath to try and relieve the pressure but of course, taking deep breaths doesn't make the guilt go away.

He remembered feeling of horror and impending doom as they all stood in the power chamber and Divatox had revealed that they had capture two of their own former rangers. He remembered the feeling of horror increasing as images of Kimberly and Jason appeared on the screen, both of them looking frightened and confused. The guilt had set in on him then because even after so much time apart, his first instinct is to immediately try and figure out a way to save Kimberly from danger. And Jason too, of course.

He felt guilty that they hadn't managed to reach his friends in time before they were thrown into the volcano. Was good was it, being the leader of the power rangers, if he couldn't save the two people that were the most important to him in the world? He hadn't missed the pleading look that Kimberly had sent his way just mere seconds before they disappeared into the hot lava. He hated that when she reappeared again, she was evil. Because more than anyone, he knew how being turned evil would fill one with guilt and he never, ever wanted her to know that feeling.

He couldn't help the tiny flare of hope that when he took off his helmet, she would recognize him and that would somehow break the spell that she had been placed under.

_Kimberly. _

_It's me, Kim. It's Tommy! _

_Look at me Kim! Look at me!_

_Try and remember, please Kim! This isn't you!_

The spell had _not_ been broken and he couldn't help the guilty feeling he felt when he had to hit her in order to defend himself. The last thing he ever wanted was to hurt her.

And then –

"_Tommy!" _

Even though he and his friends were in mortal danger, and Jason was dangling at the edge of the volcano and it was all he could do to hold on, Tommy couldn't help the warm and fuzzy feeling that had spread through him when he heard _her _voice. And then she was beside him, helping him to pull Jason up out of near death and for a moment, _for a moment_, it was like old times.

Like the way things were supposed to be.

"_I'm with you!" _

The warm and fuzzy feeling stayed with him through the rest of the battle.

Later though, when they were all safe and sound, the guilty feeling had returned.

Jason had taken Rocky's place in the tournament and of course, they were always a hard match to beat and it didn't come as a surprise to anyone when the Angel Grove team won. He had noticed Kimberly watching him as they emerge victorious and all at once the bitterness and anger came back and he had a large desire to hurt her. The way she had hurt him. It was petty, he knew, but he was only human after all.

He hugged and kissed Katherine right there in the middle of the crowd and as he pulled away, he immediately felt the guilt pressing in on him once again. One, because he had used Katherine to intentionally hurt Kimberly, when Katherine had been nothing but good to him and hadn't deserved it. And two, he felt guilty because he kissed Katherine because he wanted to hurt Kimberly and hadn't he said that he never wanted to intentionally hurt her? And the third? Well, the entire time he'd been kissing Katherine, he'd been imagining Kimberly in his arms.

He really was a walking contradiction.

And through it all, he never noticed the way Katherine would closely watch his actions whenever Kimberly was around or was mentioned. In fact, he never thought about how Katherine felt at all.

Guilt was a funny thing, indeed.

**Stage Five **_**– Depression, Nine Months Later**_

"Tommy, we have to talk."

He felt numb as Katherine pulled him aside and began listing all the reasons as to why they needed to break up.

When he objected, he was blindsided by her confession.

"You may love me in your own way, Tommy but you aren't in love with me," Katherine looked at him with patient eyes. "You never were. I kept waiting… and hoping that maybe someday you would, but I can't fool myself anymore. You never got completely over _her_ and in some ways, I was always in her shadow." Her blue eyes were filled with unshed tears. "I care about you, Tommy. I always will. But I deserved to be loved completely and to know that the person I'm with isn't thinking or wishing I was somebody else. I deserve that."

And then she kissed him on the cheek and departed for London two months later.

Tommy felt like a failure. And a little bit guilty.

Because Katherine was right. She did deserve better than what he had given her. And he felt guilty that he had never done anything about it, just going through with the motion for the sake of going through with it. He wished that he had been brave enough to face what he had been really feeling. He wished for a lot of things.

Weeks passed and nothing changed.

Everyday was the same. They were no longer rangers so his routine was never interrupted by chaos or destruction.

Wake up. Eat. Go to college. Practice racing. Go home and do homework. Hang out with Rocky or Adam when they were in town. Eat. Sleep. Start the day all over again.

Then one day, Jason came barging into his room.

"This has got to stop, man. You're just wasting away!"

He listened to Jason rant and holler about how Tommy wasn't being himself – _and wouldn't Zordon be ashamed with how he was living his life_ - and then something snapped inside of him and he realized just how robotic his life had become. He was restless all the time and yet, never did anything to change it and that wasn't who Tommy Oliver was. Tommy Oliver was a doer and he took action, he didn't just stop living life when things got hard. No, Tommy Oliver faced things and triumphed. Tommy Oliver figured out what he wanted and did whatever he could to get it. Tommy Oliver would _never_ let anything get in his way.

The problem was, Tommy Oliver hadn't been a doer in such a long time.

**Stage Six – **_**Acceptance, One Year Later**_

Tommy stared up at the sunny skies of Florida and took a deep breath of the fresh clean air. It had taken some time but Tommy Oliver did eventually figure out what he wanted and now he had come to get it. He wanted answers and he wouldn't leave until he got them. And once he was satisfied with his answers, he would work on getting the love of his life back because he believed that what he and Kimberly had had, was too special to be broken and he refused to go another day without her by his side.

He realized too late that Kimberly may have already moved on, that she might not reciprocate his feelings anymore but Tommy Oliver was nothing, if not determined.

He still loved her with all of his heart and wasn't letting her go without a fight this time.

And as the doors opened to reveal a pair of twinkling brown eyes, that chestnut hair and that bright smiling grin, Tommy felt his heart flip over in his chest and knew he had made the right choice.

There were just some things worth fighting for.

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My first Tommy/Kim fic! Well, sorta anyway. Let me know what you think!


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